Murky Boundaries

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What Is the Pansexual Flag and Who Does It Represent? - Cade Hildreth

Overtime, experiences can open our perspective to consider alternative routes or solutions. This sort of paradigm shift in our thought process can lead to thoughts venturing into uncharted territories. For a lot of us, this unknown territory can cause lots of fear, uncertainty, and anxiety. Many of those that become a victim to this downfall can easily turn to other sources of comfort, whether it be drugs, alcohol, or other risky behaviors. This sort of attempt to compensate for inner feelings of inadequacy can prove dangerous if the right support system is not there to serve as a buffer. Overall, the psych and our underlying thought processes can serve as rejuvenating fuel, or as a downward spiral into the unknown.

My possibilities have been endless, from the start of many new chapters in my life, to ruminating over the closed ones. Thankfully, despite the instability associated with it all, the experiences have been plentiful. One of my favorite moments of introspection have occurred in regards to my own preferences. At times, what I think is right for me is not truly where my true desires reside. Society has placed many restrictions on my ability to be truly genuine to what my heart and soul desires. At times, there have been instances in which my whole identity comes to a halt and I am left with nothing but a carcass of who I thought I was. Identity can be so fluid and flexible that at times, my sense of self becomes completely blurred.

The scary thought of not belonging to any kind of group or category can be daunting. At times, many questions pop into my mind. I begin to wonder whether I truly like what I like or whether I just settle for what I think is best for me to like. When it comes to my inner attraction to others, there have been moments when the lines were completely blurred and this deviance opens up an array of insecurities within me. It seems as though I cannot sit still or my mind lacks clarity. Thoughts continue to consume me and my sense of self becomes distant, causing me to retreat more and more into myself in an attempt to discover my core. Perhaps, a void within me is causing all of these deviances and the day that this vulnerability gets sealed will be the moment when my clarity will return.




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